He was ready, I was not. He had successfully used the toilet before bath time and bedtime. Sometimes he even woke up dry. He could do all his business (all.his.business!) in the toilet. There was no fear. From him. But I was not ready. I may have been afraid. Ok, I was afraid. I was pregnant and I was sick. So, so sick. I dislocated a rib from a violent coughing attack. I had torn a muscle in my back. I was fighting pneumonia. Then I had a new baby and I was trying to recover. I wasn’t up to running my 2 year old to the bathroom every 20-40-60 minutes. I wasn’t up for all the extra laundry, all the bedding, all the clothes. My sweet baby wasn’t sleeping. I wasn’t sleeping. There was no reprieve during the day with napping. There was no napping. In all of this, he was ready and I was not.
Eventually I got a handle on things. Well, that’s not totally accurate. The truth is I was ready to stop spending so much on diapers. It was becoming a problem of financial proportion. I was ready, but now he was not. We both knew when he was eliminating in his diaper. I’d excitedly ask if he’d like to use the potty and his response? “No thank you.” At least he has manners. (face palm) I’d talk up and offer the underwear: What if we start wearing underwear, like a big boy? Spiderman? Minions? I can special order green gecko underwear? “Nah, I want to wear diapers forever.”
So this is where we were. My son wanted to potty train and I, in essence, told him no. Now I wanted him to potty train and he literally was telling me no.
What had I done?! I had failed my son. I had read blogs, books, talked to other mothers, received “expert” opinions. The key to taking advantage of the brief (ha! pun) window of opportunity was always “jump on potty training as signs emerge that the child is ready.” What were the signs? Waking up dry, having a predictable potty/pooping schedule, eliminating if put on the toilet, asking about the potty, recognizing when they are eliminating in their diaper. Yup, I saw all those signs. And now, that window had closed. It was frightening to look into the future. I was sure my son would go to college in diapers. I mean he was telling me “No thank you” when I offered a trip to the potty. He would tell me he wanted to stay in diapers forever. FOR.EV.ER. His wife would have to … wait, he wasn’t going to get married! We really will be buying diapers forever!
And then one day, another window opened.
My sweet boy came into our room early one morning and woke me up to tell me “Mom, I wet in my diaper.” And that was it. If I was going to be losing sleep because he was waking me up to tell me that his diaper was wet, then we were done with diapers. We talked up the new underwear (purchased m-o-n-t-h-s! before). We talked about how exciting it was to be a big boy. And we were both ready and willing to try.
Did we have accidents? Yes. Was there an excess of laundry? Yes. Were we still using diapers at night and sometimes when we left the house? Yes. And I’m grateful I had already decided that we would do that. I wanted him to feel successful and comfortable. I didn’t want to be stuck at a store, with three children in tow, and one needing an emergency trip to the potty, in a new place, with new toilet seats, in a stall into which we all would need to squeeze. I wanted this to be successful and dare I say- almost enjoyable for all of us. We accepted any kind of effort he made. We celebrated any success. When there were accidents we reassured, “That’s ok. No big deal. Let’s try again.” And what were the rewards for going on the potty? Stickers? Candy? Pennies? Quarters? Nope. We had high fives and applause. And a little happy dance in the bathroom.
Thank heavens he now uses the potty successfully and exclusively. We won’t be buying diapers for him when we send him away to college. He had decided that wearing diapers forever wasn’t as appealing as it seemed. We made it. We survived! We succeeded!
As it is with potty training there are distinct windows of opportunity for each of us in regards to different aspects of our life. We may recognize them as they come and make the most of them or send them on. We may seek them out and then share and embrace them. We may shy away or even hide from opportunities as they approach and then look back with regret, with “what ifs”, with self-doubt and discouragement. We may not take an opportunity because it is not the right time in your life when you consider any number of implications. We may pass on opportunities because of fear, complacency, or current comfort level. It may be the right choice to let an opportunity go. Then again, it may not. Fortunately, until we say goodbye to this mortal life, there will be other opportunities, whether they are second chances or new possibilities all together. There will be doors that we can open or that may be opened for us. We can take those opportunities to learn, to grow, to change, to be successful. There are lots of windows of opportunity. If you happen to miss “the” one, it’s ok. Take heart. Keep moving forward. There are others windows coming. The upcoming view may change, the final destination may be different but there are always opportunities to move forward, learn new things, become better. Chances are you won’t be in diapers forever.
And when you metaphorically (or literally) get out of diapers, take a picture.
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